Nostalgia and Feeling Alive

I woke up this morning and had a glass of wine for breakfast. Well after I had cereal. Its not something I do regularly. Actually it’s not something I do in the morning but I felt so alive this morning and I thought what the heck-celebrate already.

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I celebrate tiny things in my house. I celebrate cleaning the house, I celebrate giving stuff away. Im a minimalist when it comes to interior decor but im not the same with clothes, fragrances. I need to celebrate giving those away. I celebrate watching my favourite shows like Lipstick Jungle and Gossip Girl and Archer. I think I just like celebrations I might get myself the chocolate to complete that part of me. But today I celebrated feeling alive.

I have been using my mum’s laptop for a while.  I literally named myself heiress of her laptop. When I miss her, I just go through her work and think-man, that was a brilliant approach to that problem…and Wow, this lady was too smart for all of us. In short I haven’t used my own laptop in about 2 years but occasionally when I need throwbacks its my go to person. And it still works.

Unfortunately I wasnt prepared for the sudden demise of my mum’s laptop. Im not an IT person so there i was pressing every keyboard combination hoping for a miracle. I think I also used the Cut and paste combination just in case. I wanted to let whoever might be concerned about my current predicament but I figured-its coming to midnight, I dont think the damsel in distress mode can be activated now. Also because I dont have that many girlfriends in the IT world. So I put that aside and got my laptop.

I literally found gold. I found playlists from high school and uni. I found movies and shows I loved. I just had to watch Bride wars for the 90th time.

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I found pictures. I found stuff I wrote that I found embarrassing at the time but now im like-Lol what is this? I found my opinions on books I read for my English class. My lab reports were still there. My friends had folders of their work on my laptop.  Thank God for back up because I dont even know why my Chemistry lab reports are still here. That was ages ago. I found a playlist that had my favorite music when I was 17/18. I just couldnt imagine a life without The Ting tings, Hello Goodbye, Fall out boy, The Veronicas etc. Kiss me through the phone was rated with 4 stars. I had Soulja boy’s album. I had instrumentals of Drake’s songs because at some point in our teenage lives, free styling was quite something. I had the set up for Wormux and Supermario. I dont even get why we were that excited about this stuff.

I just had to text my best friends that would relate and one of them who was ready to talk was in so much awe of how far we’ve come that we spoke for about 2 hours while listening to this music. See how life works. Now we are grown with things to do, lives to live and playlists to get nostalgic about. Its crazy. I can’t come up with a word to sum up the experience. I guess its good to revisit the past sometimes. There’s always a few things you could also learn about it. The way we solved some problems then was just amazing. And I didnt take things so personally then. Not that its a hobby now but some times my nerves get touched and I feel like a slap would be great. Music wasnt as complicated. Baby-L.L cool J, The Dream played and I was like…he had some crazy lines but if you had to sing this song in front of your parents then, it wouldn’t be so bad.

I watched Bride Wars and remembered how much I loved each and every soundtrack. And i was always team Emma. I always felt like crap when Liv had one up on her. I had to redownload all the songs from that movie. That was the cutest music ever. But it wasnt just about the music and the movies. Its what they represented in my life. Each song represents a scene in my teenage years I remember so vividly. Like, my friend Frankie liked “Best I ever had-Drake” and since we all used to go home together, he would sing so loud but really the only line he knew was “or we can share it like the las’ slice”. Or the time we went to Kalangala and Kiss Me through the phone was the song. I dialled that number just to check but Soulja boy is just a genius right? Or like the time people thought Smirnoff was among the selected brands to be blamed when Blame it played. Or the time we all wanted to try out the dance moves in Bread and Butter and perfect them. Or when i felt like the right soundtrack for anything bad ass i’d do was Keeps Getting Better-Christina Aguilera. I couldnt think of any song more appropriate. It just reminded me of the people who im glad I still keep in touch with. Today I played I’ll Never stop loving you by Charles Cameron. Its a song from Love Jones, a movie my friend, Brenda and I watched while having the worst bottle of wine we tried to finish. The worst part is earlier that day we went to this place in Koramangala(it has beautiful houses and cute cafΓ©s and not far from school at the time) and had amazing wine and cheese. I had a bottle back in my room that i had because it looked fancy. When we got back we thought about having a movie night + Grey’s Anatomy marathons and what’s that like sans a bottle of wine. Gosh, College seems like ages ago. That aside I sent her the song. But college does seem like ages ago. That was the time when Chris Brown still knew “what ’em girls like”.

Growth is such a fascinating process. I can’t really put words to how I have felt since last night. But I know I feel most alive right now.

x

Anna

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2 thoughts on “Nostalgia and Feeling Alive

  1. The Best I Ever Had Singer says:

    Ehh! Such a rollercoaster read, had to hold back manly tears on the laptop bit, then they turned into laughter tears on your flashbacks. Damn, such chunes! Also Owl City’s Fireflies and songs like Amazing-Kanye and Digital Girl…anyways, keep em coming bruv, proud of you!

    Liked by 1 person

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