(105) unread messages!

I promised myself I’d be more regular with the writing but eh bana…I think I need to re strategize and find better ways to have that done.

So today I received a couple of texts from acquaintances and it reminded me of a certain conversation I had with someone about texting. It is fun- texting in the family group and also because my  friends are really the funniest. I’m just hoping that whoever steals our phones takes them straight to NBC so we can have an appearance on SNL-am I gloating? I don’t know. Well, I have hilarious friends.

Texting is as convenient as can be and you need not shave legs or have fleeky eyebrows unless of course people want real time pictures- in which case you can make use of the well maintained archives that contain all the 267 pictures you take in  different angles while you lay so theatrically on your bed. It’s fine really, no one really knows you are on the toilet seat battling a bad case of food poisoning from those very brown oily fries from that roadside joint that your guardian angel obviously warned you about earlier.

Texting is also the best way to ease into things especially with new people. I am semi awkward-I think, so I don’t want to just say my inappropriate and sometimes esoteric jokes to people I don’t really know that well. It has come to my attention that the law of attraction cannot be effectively used to have the ground conveniently swallow you when you need it to. To avoid any impending catastrophes, I prefer we text first so I have an idea of who the person is.

It’s not the 60s anymore and as sad as this is, many of us get hives when we call people. We can’t handle being overly medicated on more antihistamines  so it makes more sense to text so we do that all day and now I’m just mad AF and I just need to tell you why;

The emojis– these are very beautiful to look at in fact I am one of those people that will take the time to pick out the African girl and the African hands. But man, do you know how exhausting it is for one to send a paragraph with great diction, proper tenses and punctuation to the other person and then receive 25 lines in emoji language as a response?

Source: Google images


The “talk”- so you have been seeing this person for a while and you are definitely feeling each other like crazy and then a bright person decides that texting is the greatest way to have the “talk”. ” Hei, so les do dis”-Are you kidding me right now? First of all, what is “hei”?

The exasperating short hand: “lol Hw a u grl?”, no maybe that makes sense. But this “How yhue bin?” So, I remember when things like “yhue” were cropping up in this country. I was a young youthful senior in High School full of ambition and hope and even on my laziest days, I vowed never to waste anyone’s time with that kind of atrocious texting. The year is 2016 and I see grown men and women still typing a 3 letter word you as yhue and I have no idea why this is happening. Do you have any idea why this is still an issue?

Source: giphy.com


Unfunny, overly shared content: this is always the media that comes with a spirit that graduated magna cum laude in MIT. This fantastic spirit changes whatsapp settings to auto download so your gallery can have 2 or 5 of everything. The content is never funny, it takes up an unreasonable amount of space and most times is quite honestly from the most vexing individuals who just might ask for a follow up comment. Not funny!

Source: giphy.com


Group chat: Let’s say a group is temporarily formed for a purpose that is time bound. Then members in the group decide to post their selfies or jokes from 2011 twitter, church programs even if only 3 of them go to Jesus is the Centre of my life Ministries Church and shout outs here and there-whatever works for them that day. As that happens, 2 members decide to engage in quite a conversation that has nothing to do with the other 35 people. Then someone will send a laughing emoji and will be greeted in another 12 texts. GUYS!-my wrists aren’t ready.

Is there a way we can mark items as read on whatsapp without necessarily getting Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in the process?

Is it possible for one to pick up the phone and make that call?

I pray so!

Good night good people and let’s make some calls instead.




One Comment Add yours

  1. 😂😂😁
    Finally, finally… We must be soul sisters. What took me so long to discover this blog…

    Am praying Mark Z finally comes up with a way of letting me sneak out of those many gps with out causing any alarm…
    Am tired of opening my gallery and wondering how some pics landed there😡..

    These gps are going to be the death of me
    Wedding meetings
    Birthday committee
    MUK Almuni
    Family 👪
    Family 👪 2
    La famille 👪😂
    Village counsel
    Church ⛪
    Fellowship (Phaneroo 😂) jokes
    Christ the king mothers
    Mama Tendo


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